The following piece is an excerpt from my book, “Word, From Your Mother,” a daily guidance journal written for my children, Liv and Pierce-Gabriel.
Excerpt #10
Is it possible to truly surrender to “what is?” Surrendering to the present moment has become a daily practice of mine. Surrendering to what is, means surrendering to now. It’s always now. Tomorrow will be the now of that day. Yesterday was the now of that day. It is always now.
Why do I find that I typically have the same experience in almost every now I have? (I’m about to go on a grumpy kick). I’m going to refer to the hamster on the wheel. The continuous thought(s) that run through our heads that don’t mainly serve us. Here’s one of mine: Why am I still doing this? Why am I still working in education? I’m not too fond of it nor feel comfortable in my skin. Yet, here I am in year 18.
Every day for many years, I’ve had this badgering, perpetual, complaining thought. Depending on my mood and frame of mind, I have answers. “Well, it’s good enough for now.” “Well, what else are you going to do?” “Well, you do have a job, at least.” “Well, you need insurance.” “Well, this is all part of the plan; you might as well accept it.”
When I’m grumpy, it sounds like this, “I can’t stand doing this,” “There is no gratification or satisfaction in this job.” “I don’t fit in.” “I’m an artist, not an educator.” “I’m feel stifled.” “I’m meant to do greater things.” “I’m worth more than this.” “I’m not satisfied with this work even if I try to make it my spiritual practice.” “I really can’t stand this type of work.” “I’m so friggin’ bored.” “I have so much more to offer.” “Why do I stay here?”
I’ve spent years looking and trying to reinvent myself without any luck. I’ve taken “action steps.” You know me, I’m a spaz. I’m always doing something. The real issue is that I’m not having fun! That must be it. I need to have more fun. No, wait, I need to quiet my mind and let the answers come through. Sometimes, I wouldn’t say I like the answers, though. I do know in my heart of hearts that things are always working out for me. I chose this path.
So, today, I accept that I still don’t have the answers. “I give up.” That’s the surrender bit. Now I will turn my thoughts over to my senses and observe that there’s so much more to life than me thinking and complaining about my job. I will focus on better feeling thoughts. The air is clean where I sit. I hear lively conversations of teenagers in the classroom next door. I just offered some support to a colleague who needed an ear. My lunch was satisfying, and today it is warm and beautiful. I’m sitting in an ergonomically correct chair, and I have access to the internet. I’m writing.
Here goes my one long conscious stream of thought to transmute my negativity: Wouldn’t it be nice to find a job where I can help others and bring light into their lives as their spiritual teacher? Wouldn’t it be nice if this job just landed upon me without me always searching? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a consistent stream of clarity and satisfaction in my life? And, wouldn’t it be nice to be joyful each day and in every way? —To wake up and look forward to my day. To feel refreshed and renewed and rejuvenated? Wouldn’t it be great to feel that exhilaration of happiness in my heart? Wouldn’t it feel liberating to open my heart full and trust and believe that there is something out there that will bring forth such happiness?
Happiness is our birthright! I desire to be happy in always, every day. Isn’t it great knowing that I’m surrounded and protected by angels? I can feel their presence. I sense the Christ consciousness within me, and I want to share it always. Isn’t it amazing that we are all one? We all experience pain and suffering—we all get stuck—some of us longer than others and with even more difficulty. Isn’t it great knowing that we can heal each other? Wouldn’t it be pleasant to live in the now and let the ego die? I know that these things are all possible. That anything is possible. I also recognize that my heart is always in the right place and that I would never make decisions that might hurt others, especially my family.
I can shut off the voice in my head that is a relentless broken record that tells me stories that don’t serve me. I know in my heart of hearts that those stories also hurt the ones around me. Isn’t it great knowing that I am so free and that I can choose enslavement? How crazy is that? I can choose to be a slave to my mind. Or, I can let it go, surrender, and accept what is.
Internally, we are spiritual beings having an outward material experience. No one said it was going to be easy. What is the purpose of all of this? Many spiritual teachers explain our lives here on earth as our evolution as beings. That we chose this tough earth assignment to learn, grow, and evolve. I agree, and it’s all good.
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