How To Dissolve Your Preferences

The following piece is an excerpt from my book, “Word, From Your Mother,” a daily guidance journal written for my children, Liv and Pierce-Gabriel. 

Excerpt #39

Are you good with letting things unfold naturally? Or do you tend to want to be in control of what’s going on? I know where I fall on that pole, and I’m working on going towards letting things “be.” It doesn’t matter how much you try to insert your preferences into a situation because they will unfold naturally, regardless. It is a universal law. 

 I recommend reading Mickey Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul. You can get a free audio version on YouTube. He eloquently explains that we, as humans, are always trying to interject our preferences concerning how things should be. To have preferences as to how things should be is a ‘mind’ construct. No matter how much we try to change our situation to meet our personal preferences, we will remain dissatisfied (unless it’s going our way). 

I feel that if things are moving along swimmingly, I’m moving in the right direction. I also have become aware that if they don’t feel so great or seem not to be going “my way,” I need to step back and be the active observer of the situation. Instead of reacting and trying to interject my preferences, I quiet my mind, observe and let it be. Quieting the mind is a challenging practice indeed, especially if you have a robust egoic drive. It is worth it, however, to discern your reaction towards situations. I can honestly say, in my own opinion, 95% of the time, I’ve made mistakes by trying to control or change my situation. And, especially if in doing so, I miss out on being praised, recognized, or rewarded for my efforts. 

For example, say you work with a difficult person and find that your co-workers often chime in on how much they can’t stand that person. Do you feel tempted to “join the club” in the collective gossip? Can you move away from inserting your preferences towards the situation and stand as the active observer? Or do you wish to pump up your ego by gaining praise or recognition from your co-workers for your ill intentions towards that one person?

In other words, what do you gain by putting someone else down? Or better yet, what are you trying to achieve? Can you identify your faults in the situation? Is it worth the energy to get involved? What have you to gain in terms of consciousness? What is your preference? Do you prefer to gain validation and acceptance, approval, etc., from that source of energy? Or can you just let things be?

The above may be a poor example but as a practice, try this—whenever you feel “triggered” by a situation—any situation, still your mind in that instant. Hold back your reaction—observe. Don’t think; feel what’s going on. Try to recognize where your feelings are placing you at that moment (especially if they’re negative). Can you realize it, accept it for what it is, and let it be? Is it worth the effort to project your preferences into the situation? What does the path of least resistance feel like to you? I guarantee that it’s the better choice.

Published by Frequency Facilitator

Hi, I'm Nettie Vaughan. I work in a large school district as a Transition Coordinator. I've been in the field of special education for over 20 years. My newest endeavor is to bring my skill set to you from a more spiritual perspective as a Frequency Facilitator. On my website, blog, Facebook page, Instagram page, and TikTok channel, it's my hope that I can point you in the right direction to organize your life, create fun habits and raise your vibrational frequency.

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