The following piece is an excerpt from my book, “Word, From Your Mother,” a daily guidance journal written for my children, Liv and Pierce-Gabriel.
Have I been a good parent to you? I know I’ve done the best I could, but I also know that I screwed up along the way. After all, there is no manual on perfect parenting. Whatever concepts or perceptions you have about me as your parent, please take them very lightly. I hope I haven’t persuaded you in any way with my beliefs and egocentricities, as I never meant to. You are your persons who are here to create your reality and life. I’m here to share pointers, not dictate.
I’m here to support you, not make demands. I’m here to offer advice based on my experiences, but that doesn’t mean you should follow it. You have your own mind and your own creative spirit. As you’ve grown older, I’ve had to bite my tongue and let you be. Many people define the role of parenting as being superior or above their children. I hope I haven’t sent that message to you! I’ve always tried to stick with my philosophy of encouraging you to be self-determined. In other words, I provide you with some tools, and you do with them what you wish. I don’t like telling you what to do.
Sometimes I get hot-headed because I “think” that you’re not making a wise choice. I know at times, I’ve pressed you with seeking an alternative. I certainly hope I haven’t ever set any ultimatums with you, for that is total egoic. My wish is that I’ve given you the freedom to be and express who you indeed are without interference. As Eckart Tolle would put it, I hope that I’ve focused more on your “being” (the formless part of you) rather than your human part. I hope that I have led by example, and I certainly hope that example was a good one!
I apologize for hurting you in any way, not because I humiliated myself but because I might have broken your spirit. From what I’ve learned, much of our deep-rooted sorrows and repeated bad habits (especially of thought) developed in early childhood on account of our parents and cultural beliefs. This isn’t to blame anyone, but we are so impressionable that even the most seemingly innocent comments can be very damaging as children.
I can’t even begin to enumerate all the “bad stuff” I’ve overcome through years of counseling and many psychological issues as a child. I recognize the things that were said to me by my parents that may have caused damage in my adult life. Now, it’s essential to be aware that only I have chosen to let those things bother me throughout the years. I’ve held on to them for some reason. I’ve made them part of my “little me” story. However, we can rewrite our stories. I refer back to the transmutation of thought. Turn the negative into a positive. Recognize that a belief is only a thought that you keep thinking over and over, which unfortunately or fortunately became part of your story.
You can always change your story. I change mine every day. I hope that you recognize these things within you and bring awareness to them. Acknowledge your pain and embrace it as though a little injured pup. Would you hurt an injured pup? No, not I nor you. You would hold it and hug it and tell it that everything will be alright. As always, follow up with my usual advice, look up to the sky and take three cleansing breaths. Know who you are. You are free.