The following piece is an excerpt from my book, “Word, From Your Mother,” a daily guidance journal written for my children, Liv and Pierce-Gabriel.
Are you willing to ask for help when needed? I hope so. As a quiet observer, I often witness so many people who aren’t keen to ask for help. Most folks want to do everything themselves. There are different motivating factors for this mindset. Some may feel that the job won’t get “done right” unless they do it themselves. For others, they may feel too much pride to ask for help. “I can do this by myself without bothering anyone else.” Yet others might feel guilty about asking for help. “If I ask for help, I’m creating a burden on this or that one.” Or, “If I ask for help, it makes me look weak.” The quotes above represent the ego in action– How will asking for help make me look? How will others perceive me? Will they think I’m a wimp and can’t handle things on my own?
I’m truly guilty of all of the above but own that this is not how to think or live. We all work together as a collective consciousness. We all have a symbiotic relationship with one another, from the animal and mineral world to the very human world. There is nothing wrong with asking for help; in fact, it’s essential. There is so much to learn from one another in the asking.
Collaboration is key to learning things from all different viewpoints and perspectives. It helps us to discern situations better and make decisions in life. “Going it” alone can be very lonely and saddening. It’s much better to open your viewpoint. “Everything, every situation, every scenario that has ever occurred, has been experienced by so many others. I am not alone in this. Help is on the way.” I state this mantra repeatedly when I’m feeling fearful of making a decision or asking for help.
Some people withhold asking for help until it’s too late and to their detriment. I will use you as an example, Pierce, for instance. You didn’t make me or dad aware that you were still having symptoms of dizziness and ill-health after your previous spell that landed you in the hospital. You thought it would be too much of a bother and burden to tell us that you were still sick. You let your symptoms build for four months until they reared their ugly head. This caused you even more anxiety and worry, which exacerbated your physical symptoms. And then you finally broke down. You recognized that the quality of your life was suffering, and it was time to let me know.
Why did it take you so much time to ask for help? Did you think I would attack you? Brush your feelings under the carpet? What good did it do for you not to ask for help? Do you see where I’m going with this? Asking for help is essential. It shows that the individual is willing to take care of themself and perhaps others, depending on their situation. Only good things can come from this.
Of course, I will always point you in the direction to ask God for help. “Ask, and it is given.” However, we are all of God and hold the divine within us. Therefore, don’t hesitate to ask others for help. Believing that you can “do it all” will lead to failure. We need one another for help and support. Asking for help is the greatest form of self-care and demonstrates that you are strong and wise. I’ll leave you with a quote from the late Rick Ocasek: “Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.”